Simple Thoughts

Sometimes we go through changes in life that are expected.  Sometimes we go through changes that are unexpected.  Two years ago the unexpected change occurred in my life.  It brought about much pain, anger, distrust, fear, and many other thoughts, feelings and emotions.  It has been a truly difficult battle, at times.  However, there have been those moments when I thought, "Really, I am so glad that this happened......where would I be if it had not?"  Crazy thought or not, it is real.

As the journey began, there were people to turn to.....and now two years down the long road traveled, some have fallen to the wayside, some occasionally will ask how I am doing, others did not take the journey with me very far at all.  Sad, but true.  I am guessing that at the two year mark it is assumed that all is well, all has been taken care of, and there is no need to listen, to care, to understand the little things that come and go, on this journey.  Sad, but true.

How am I doing?  Depends on the day and the circumstances that I find myself in.  For instance, a few weeks ago, another change took place.  God's grace prepared me for it, as He revealed was going to come about, even before it had.  This grace afforded me to not be surprised, not be in complete distress. Even in the midst of the winds that blew, I asked God to prepare my heart for the final gust that would bring in the resulting decision to be made.  He did.

So, how am I doing?  Although I knew what was going to be, and sought God's heart in the matter; it still hurts.  Doing what was best for them, and not being selfish for what I wanted, allowing God to be in control.  Yes, that is what I think I did.  It still hurts, even though the pain is not shown on the outward much.  I can feel it; remembering the words of a friend, "allow yourself to hurt".  Even as I type these words, I feel the hurt welling up inside of me.  It usually does when all I hear in my home is the dog breathing and the tick tock of the clock.....and then a tear or two trickles from the eyes....

So, how are you?  When I ask, I really want to know......I will listen, I will cry with you, I will remain in prayer for you, and I will walk with you.....I know what it feels like to want so much to be heard, to just pour out what is building up on the inside and realizing that the one's once counted on to be there are no longer available.....I want to be available for you....if you will let me in......

God said that I am able to comfort others with the comfort I have been given....God has been my comforter, my comfort along this journey, and I trust will continue to be so as I continue towards a full healing of heart and mind.....and I pray the same for you who are facing difficulties, as well.